The Laid Off Diary: Dear Diary…this sucks.

June 8, 2009, 9:28 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


Dear Diary:

What is it about reality TV shows that delight us so much? It’s not just that it’s a dramatic train wreck you can’t look away from, but it also makes us secretly feel better about ourselves. Sort of why we watch Cops.

But I’ve also gotten into watching “Judge Judy” type reality TV shows. I still remember when Judge Judy came out and hit the scene. We pedigreed lawyers sort of turned our noses up at her while we begrudgingly gave her some credit for making it “outside the system” (outside the BigLaw system).

The latest one I’ve been watching (mainly because it’s in the afternoon when I wake up and turn on the TV and roll out of bed to 1) get up to go on an informational coffee/interview; 2) get up to go pee only to get back in bed; 3) get up to hit the gym; 4) get up to meet friends for lunch; or 5) get up to watch TV) is Christina’s Court. She’s okay. Attractive but not sexy. She’s a fiery blond. Articulate. Bitchy. Bi-lingual. Wears a bit too much eye makeup. Everything reality TV show wants from its main character.

But the thing that gets me is that she won an Emmy. She won a freaking Emmy. An Emmy. Nevermind the fact that Emmys are going to reality TV shows. Nevermind that we’ve turned our legal system into “day time entertainment”. She won an emmy–the thing that eluded Susan Lucci so many years–the thing that represents when you are the best in your field.


Then I looked at all the stupid deal toys that I got, and for some reason kept, from deals that I worked on. Some were for deals from my first year that I got just by reading massive amounts of contracts, sweating profusely because I had no idea what most of the contract provisions meant, and trying not to pass out after staring at little tiny black words for ten hours a day all the while not doing anything that needed legal education. So the fact that I got those deal toys meant nothing and surely did not represent that I was the best in my field. The other group of deal toys came from my pushing down work to scared junior associates, drafting agreements from borrowed forms, changing some dates, a few terms, and sending out very professional sounding emails. Hm… still not what I would consider to be a symbol of achieving greatness in my field.

deal toys

In fact, I think these deal toys were more for the business guys than for the lawyer monkeys working on the boring legal issues and inking in the ideas/terms that the business guys negotiated. The deal toys actually meant something to the business guys–it was their deal and they closed it. They’re deal oriented; we’re billable hour oriented. We work for fees–one banana for every .25 hour increment billed. And all I have to show for my work and for all my education are deal toys that are really for someone else and in no way shape or form represents that I was the best in my field, or even competent as I certainly wasn’t competent as a first year corporate associate.

That fucking sucks.

What do I have to show for my achievements? What do you have (if you say “my BigLaw job”, I hope you drown in your banana flavored koolaid)?


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

A zero balance on my law school loans. Thank god for that.

Comment by H

I never even got any deal toys! Oh well 😉

Comment by Beesh

my deal toys are way less cool… I just got that picture off the web.

Comment by laidoffdiary

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