The Laid Off Diary: Dear Diary…this sucks.


Lying
April 17, 2009, 3:50 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Dear Diary:

The one thing BigLaw has taught me to do and do well is to lie through my teeth. I now use that skill every time I go on an interview with a temp agency.

Sure, I’d love to do document review ad nauseum at a fraction of the price I was doing it as a corporate attorney at my former law firm.

Sure, I’m available for work that is more boring than watching a fly masturbate and only slightly less painful than herpes.

Sure, I’m a hard worker and I’d love to put my well honed contract drafting skills learned as a corporate paper pusher and/or highly skilled legal writing abilities learned on law review to work using Summation and right clicking on little columns and then scrolling down to “responsive” or “not responsive.”

Awesome.

-putting my (lying) skills to good use

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13 Comments so far
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A further problem with the temp agencies is that, at least in Atlanta, there aren’t even any document review projects. Which means NO money.

Comment by beesh

I don’t understand. You went to a top law school and was on the law review. Why can’t you get a job?

Comment by dontunderstand

um, you’re not serious are you? and if so, you must not be an attorney… more than 10K lawyers have been laid off: http://lawshucks.com/2009/04/13/10000-laid-off-and-counting/

Comment by laidoffdiary

Yeah, but those are all the ones who didn’t go to law school, didn’t get on law review, didn’t have good grades…..

Comment by dontunderstand

If only 5-15% of the entire lawyer workforce was laid off, that still leaves 85-95% of positions available. Since you went to a good law school, had good grades, and were on law review, you surely are in the top 85-95%, so you should still be able to get some kind of job. Maybe not one that pays $300k/year, but at least one that pays $100k.

Comment by dontunderstand

85-95% of positions might still be available…but they are filled! Just because someone else hasn’t been laid off doesn’t mean those who have just get to take their jobs.

Comment by beesh

that’s very true, Beesh…it doesn’t really make sense to say that 5-15% were laid off, so 85-95% of positions are “available.”

I don’t think I know one BigLaw associate that would agree with you, Dontunderstand.

I wish you were right, though, believe me, but that’s just not the way the cookie crumbles.

Comment by laidoffdiary

I just saw your post on another blog calling me an idiot. Well, got news for you. I know plenty of “TTT” grads who still have their biglaw jobs (yes, this includes 1st and 2nd year corporate attorneys, not just litigation associates). How do you explain this phenomenon? You must’ve pissed someone off and are now on an industry-wide shitlist or something.

Comment by dontunderstand

no, my comment was about the idiots who are surprised that lawyers are getting laid off at all. I had someone argue with me that they knew business people and IBankers were laid off but didn’t believe me when I said lawyers were laid off. Uh, if business people aren’t doing business, and IBankers are being laid off, then obviously corporate lawyers are not needed. These are the same idiots who think “corporate lawyer” is still some kind of Ally McBeal lawyer that litigates so they go blank in the face when I try to explain how CORPORATE lawyers are suffering. And then, of course, they argue that if I went to a good law school, then I should still have a job.

I’m not on a industry-wide shit list, though I wish I had left with a bang banning me. Or perhaps, my law firm sucks because there were a few people that were laid off on my floor that went to Ivys.

Trust me, no firms are looking to hire. Most positions are either fake, filled, or firms are just looking with no hurry to fill them.

Comment by laidoffdiary

Laidoff is right. There are jobs available in some practice areas, but very few, if any, for corporate/transaction types. SOme are keeping their jobs because there is some work, and because firms can’t let all of that practice area go or they will not be staffed when things pick up. So the firms take a loss or have the associates work in other areas to get hours. What they are not doing is hiring new corporate associates (other than a few from their summer programs)

Comment by Son of Dolemite

Contrary to what you may hear, firms are also laying off litigation associates. Yup, you’re talking to one. Biglaw lit assoc at AmLaw 50 firm. Was told all my cases had settled, or were going to settle shortly, and since there were no new cases coming in, here’s the door…don’t let it hit you on your way out.

In response to an earlier post, there certainly are some jobs out there. But I didn’t go to a top 25 school, law review, moot court, so I could bang out workman’s comp cases while getting paid a fraction of what I was getting at my old firm.

Comment by Deez Nutz

You also didn’t go through all that to be unemployed. Get off your high horse.

Comment by kaskjhakjh

lolol…cool post. I too, sometimes cannot believe that I went to law school to end up in doc review…

Comment by temphottie




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