The Laid Off Diary: Dear Diary…this sucks.

Square hole
April 12, 2009, 12:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Dear Diary:

When I was laid off, you may recall that I said my first feeling was one of relief. Why? Partly because most of the partners were assholes and the associates were suck up douches but mainly because I spent the last few years in BigLaw whittling myself down and away.

I was under constant pressure to be someone else, to act a different way, be perceived a different way- basically training myself not to be me. I became two different people- who i was at work and at home -then the lines started to blur. And I was still unceremoniously shown the door despite all my masquerading. If I had been myself, I think I still would have been laid off mainly for my innate dislike for The Man ( though love of His money) but I would have a much more fun time being a corporate monkey.

When I got laid off, I promised myself I wouldn’t ever be in a situation willingly where I couldn’t be myself. Of course if I were on the stand for a criminal charge after streaking drunk down the halls of my former law firm, I probably shouldn’t act like my usual jackass self but outside of this type of circumstance, I decided I would always try to be myself in a professional, social, and personal situation.

We have been trained since law school to fit a round peg into a square hole-completely opposite of everything we learned in kindergarden and Fishet Price We were told that if you could do that, then you were a good lawyer. But aren’t you tired of always trying to conform to square holes?

With all the pressure we are under to bill and perform, couldn’t we at least still be ourselves? Just a little?

–F BigLaw’s square hole (heheh, that sounds naughty)


2 Comments so far
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I always thought the same thing and thought it was awful and I was only a legal assistant who stupidly decided to go to law school. I knew I didnt want biglaw despite the temptation of gobs of money – what I didnt realize is that good and interesting jobs in law were few.

When I was younger I used to look at some corporate drones and tell myself I would never end up like them. I would call them bobs – dudes with no personality, save for the lone picture their kid drew hanging on an expressionaless white wall. Face it you were heading down that path and now you are not. Do something interesting. Another laid off attorney who was making significantly less and hated their job more than you.

Comment by agamemnon

Seriously. My first year in law school, I had bright red streaks in my hair. I got them covered up before OCIs started. I took my eyebrow piercing out my senior year in college so there would be no scar for when I got a “real job.” When my sister got her nose pierced, I was jealous I couldn’t do the same. And I am jealous of people who can get tattoos in places where they don’t have to stay hidden. Hmph.

Comment by beesh

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