The Laid Off Diary: Dear Diary…this sucks.

March 30, 2009, 7:27 am
Filed under: Uncategorized


I feel like moving to TX so I can stand in an alley way with three friends, drink beer, and blink at each other waiting to get drunk. Might be more exciting than what ‘um doing now.

Today, since my parents now think I have all the time in the world (which I do but it’s not their goddamn time) to do all the things they think require a lawyer that actually don’t such as filling out motor vehicle forms, looking on airline websites to see what the baggage policy is, go to the dealership with my 20 year old cousin to pick up a car she already paid for in case there is any trouble (what the fuck do they expect me to do if there is?), or changing insurance companies, I spent the majority of the time doing menial shit that a highschooler would find below them (a highshooler who also huffs paint, that is). The rest of the time I spent wishing I could be drunk.

I hate how people think because you’re a lawyer, even if you’re a corporate lawyer, you can make speeding tickets go away or sue anyone who looks at them sideways. I hate how people think because you once were a corporate tool and got laid the fuck off, you’re a free lawyer that can make airlines allow you to bring large quantities of liquids in the form of your mom’s favorite chicken soup or that people can start yelling and threatening to sue everyone and their dog’s left nut because they know a lawyer.

For godsakes I was a paper pusher not a karate master like on Kung Fu Hustle (though that was pretty suh-weet). I can’t do shit but make more paper ready to be recycled. Get a grip people. I’m a lawyer. Not a miracle worker. I’m jobless. Not a jackass willing to do every stupid thing you want me to do.

Diary, the only thing worse than being laid off is dealing with other people when you tell them you’re a lawyer. That was also the only thing worse than working as a corporate attorney too, that sucked ass.

-just another laid off lawyer


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Can you sue the guy who made fun of me on an internet forum?

Comment by anonymous

yes, and I can bitch slap him while I’m at it too.

Comment by laidoffdiary

Judging from your film choices, you are an asian guy.

Comment by anotherlaidoff

no, but that’s pretty funny! I could be an egg (white on the outside, yellow on the inside). Or maybe I’m a banana or twinkie (yellow on the outside, white on the inside).

Comment by laidoffdiary

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